It’s time for a fresh start.  Are you ready and willing?  Why or why not?  Share your thoughts and ideas to help yourself and others make it a great 2011.

Like fear, guilt can keep us from living a happy and fulfilling life.  We can feel bad about being happy for doing what we really want to do and asking for what we really need because deep down, we don’t think we “should.”  We believe that we should be “people pleasers,” putting others first, not ourselves. People who tend to have frequent feelings of guilt also tend to have perfectionist tendencies.  They want their environments and the perceptions others hold of them to be perfect, which makes them fearful of making a mistake. They have a much greater inability to let go of grudges since they struggle with admitting that they made any mistakes.  Those who have decided not to remove their guilt seeds automatically tend to think they said or did something wrong when conflicts and tough circumstances arise. They believe they are to blame when things go wrong, which makes them think and feel badly about themselves.  They can even beat themselves up when they hear about, read about or see others being happy for making their lives better–because they feel inadequate for not doing the same for themselves.   They become critical of others, but mostly they become critical of themselves instead of choosing to adopt healthy ways of responding to their feelings of guilt.

Tough times happen for everyone.  They are unavoidable at work and home.  As a result of the changes and demands being experienced, the stress from tough times can take a toll on our body, mind and emotions, which ultimately affects our work and life performances.  How you respond to your circumstances determines how well you will bounce back to a better place. 

Resilient People:

1. Determine what situations are worth worrying about and which are not by differentiating between what is controllable and what is uncontrollable.
2. Analyze situations to look for ways to solve problems.
3. Create action plans, goals, seek help and delegate.
4. Leave work problems at work and personal problems at home.
5. Find a good listener to talk about what they are going through.
6. Take breaks for fun and relaxation.
7. Exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet.
8. Laugh at themselves and find humor in tough circumstances.
9. List the positive outcomes and lessons learned.
10. Believe that this too shall pass.

When you experience and embrace difficult times, you can become more resilient, more empathic, stronger and eventually, happier. Staying worried, confused and afraid will leave you paralyzed, complacent, miserable and accepting of the status quo. Accepting the status quo gives people and organizations the opportunity to fall behind. You need to find the courage to face your fears, to move yourself forward and to feel your desire to grow.  With your determination and focus, as well as effort and time, your tough circumstances will get easier to manage. You are the one and only person responsible for making yourself bounce back and get happy.

Thank you for your support and vote!   I received 2,469 votes.  While I was not selected to be casted for Oprah and Mark Burnett’s new reality show competition, I most certainly had an exciting experience that gave me new knowledge, wisdom, energy and strength to keep pursuing my dreams.  Yes, I was disappointed over the loss. I even cried raindrop tears.  This disappointment and loss are okay because they were a part of the risk.  I have no regrets because I had a lot of fun and now, I am better equipped for the next opportunity.

I learned so much from business, professional and personal perspectives. From a business perspective, I learned about what is involved in the casting of a reality show.  For example, no matter what the content focus is, the participants are usually a mix of people whom viewers will hate, love, find funny and have great talent.  I also learned what casting director’s look for in the paper application and what it takes to run a savvy social-media marketing campaign.

From a professional development perspective, I learned that without having people to interact with during my presentations, I’m a nervous wreck talking directly to a camera and not a person.  For this, I will take camera skills training.  In the meantime, give me my people!

From a personal growth perspective, I still strongly believe that finding the courage to break away from our comfort zones and to take risks, regardless of what others may think, say, do or don’t do, brings greater opportunities for people to reach their desired goals, dreams and happiness. Life and work lessons are important to learn and master as they evolve us into a greater, better and happier being.

I was born into inspiration.  In 1963, when I was two years old, my mother decided to divorce her abusive husband after five years of marriage.  In retaliation for this courageous act, my mother, my four-year-old intellectually-disabled brother and I were locked out of our row house, with some of our belongings scattered out on the lawn.  That day, the lives of my family of three changed forever.

As my childhood evolved, I had a very difficult time feeling good about life, and more importantly, feeling good about myself.  I felt damaged and thought that I was not worthy of having a good life.  I could not cope with my hardships of being poor and living in a single-parent house with a “different” and limited sibling.  When I was in my vulnerable teens, at the age of thirteen, I escaped my stress and pain with excessive partying, which included drugs and alcohol.  First, I dropped out of life.   Then, I dropped out of high school. 

As my young adult life evolved into adulthood, I took steps forward and backward until I came into this great place of happiness and fulfillment.  The steps I took represented the choices I made; some were wise and some were not. I eventually earned my college degree in human resource management and created my own organizational training and keynote speaking business to empower people to improve their work performances and live great lives.  I learned firsthand how to go from nowhere to somewhere by watching my family’s ability to triumph over tough circumstances.  I learned the power of choice.  I learned how to make lemonade out of lemons.

How often do you catch yourself saying to someone, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” or “Yes.” when your plate is already too full and you really do not want to do what is being asked? If you continuously say “yes” when you want and need to say “no”, chances are you have excessive people pleasing tendencies without regard or respect for yourself.  You feel guilty for setting boundaries and want to seek the approval of others; but unfortunately, you tend to feel taken advantage of or taken for granted. You can live with excessive fear, worry and negative thinking. You go from one self-induced stressful situation to another. If you do not address your needs and do not tactfully assert yourself, your frustrations and hurt will build resentment within you, which will lead to increased stress and burnout.  You do not have to live or work this way.

You must choose what is best for you without being self-centered, insubordinate or disrespectful of others.  Saying “no” or “not now” is not selfish.  It is necessary and a permitted right you have, which is utilized by your power of choice. Once you decide to find the courage to speak up, you have to use assertive communication skills to respect your needs and the feelings of others.

Aggressive Communication Sounds Like This:

“This is what you’re going to do and you have no say in the matter.”

Passive Communication Sounds Like This:

“Whatever you say, I’ll do it whether I want to or not.”

Assertive Communication Sounds Like This:

“I know that this is important to you. It is also important to me. Let’s figure out some options that are fair to both of us.”

Assertive communication is the most healthy, respectful way to understand each other and find solutions that are flexible and desirable for all involved. It is okay to say, “I cannot do that.” or “I don’t know.” It is okay to ask questions, challenge others’ opinions or seek alternatives. When you stop feeling guilty and seeking approval of others, your days will be fueled by positive energy, confidence and self-respect.  You will feel empowered and in control of your life because you utilized your power of choice. You will be happy. Assert yourself today!

If you think that treating people with respect is too touchy-feely for the workplace, think again.  Respect in the workplace is a powerful motivator, and disrespect in the workplace is a powerful demotivator.  Respect affects outcomes and profits because it affects employee morale.

At the top of an employee wish list, is the need to be treated with dignity and respect.  Whether at work or home, isn’t being treated with dignity and respect a need for everyone?

The following questions will help you assess if you are being treated or treating others with respect at work or home:

• Do you include others in meetings, committees and events?
• Do you reprimand and praise every person when performing the same actions (don’t play favorites)?
• Do you praise more than criticize?
• Do you listen to understand versus listen to respond (don’t interrupt)?
• Do you encourage others to express their thoughts, suggestions and feelings? 
• Do you implement expressed suggestions? 
• Do you ask questions to show you are interested and care? 
• Do you seek out others for their expertise and assistance to show you value their opinions?
• Do you control your anger outbursts and criticisms to not make people feel inadequate?
• Are you simply courteous, polite and thoughtful? 

People can hold either coercive respect or genuine respect for another person. Coercive respect occurs when people are afraid of the repercussions if they do not perform according to the other person.  Coercive respect is not healthy and can become toxic on performances.  Genuine respect occurs when people are performing because they genuinely like the other person and think they are fair, consistent and deserving of respect.  Would you rather be treated with coercive or genuine respect?

Even in this “doing-more-with-less” pattern of organizational operations, you can be happy at work.  Out of financial necessity, most people have to work; there is no choice.  However, you do have a choice about the specific job, industry and organization you seek for your place of employment. Happiness is a choice too.  You can choose to be happy or miserable. Which would you prefer? 

To make your life and work happier, you first need to make yourself happy. To make yourself happy, you need courage, assertiveness and passion. You can find the happiness that has been suppressed.  Sometimes, you end up settling for whatever comes your way.  You go with the way things are instead of pursuing what could be better. You lose your courage, assertiveness and passion.  

Your happiness potential is like the sugar that has settled at the bottom of your glass of lemonade. It’s inside the glass; it’s inside you. It’s there for you when you can’t take life anymore and when you’re ready to make a change. But it can become stuck. Stir it up! It’s holding in your courage, assertiveness and passion–necessary sweeteners. Stir them up to taste the sweetness of life and work. You need to act with courage, communicate with assertiveness, find your passion, and make your life sweeter. Imagine how weak, sour, and bitter your life would be without any sugar.  Just as lemonade needs sugar, you need courage, assertiveness, and passion to reach your happiness potential.

How to Be Happy at Work

• Choose to be happy.
• Reprogram your negative thoughts and responses to people and situations with positive programming.
• Find at least one job-related task you enjoy doing. Do it each day at work.
• Find a personal interest or hobby that brings you fun and happiness. Do it daily or weekly.
• Learn something new to ignite and open your mind.
• Stay away from gossip and negativity.
• Make only the commitments you can keep.
• Be approachable, kind and pleasant to be around.
• Ask for feedback, listen with an open-mind and make the appropriate changes.
• If you have consistently tried to get happy at work and are still not happy, it’s time to find another job.

You are the only person responsible for your happiness. No one else can do this for you. Life is short. It’s never too late to get happy!

You Can Help and Inspire People to Make Their Lives Sweeter.

Discover the magic of living generously by sharing your lemonade with others. You can give back your courage, assertiveness and passion by helping people realize that they too can get through their hard times. You can give your strength, wisdom and lessons learned to others. The abundant cycle of making lemonade out of lemons continues. People will benefit tremendously from your kindness and compassion.

 Thank you for sharing your lemonade. Thank you for helping others.

Lemonade Stories:

“Nancy, thank you for sharing that you dropped out of school. I just recently began to share that I also dropped out of high school, was a runaway child due to sexual assault and ultimately became homeless due to domestic violence. I assumed that because I did not have a Master’s Degree I could not be a leader. You helped me realize that I have been flying on that trapeze all my life…taking risks.  I will not be ashamed. If my experiences can help one person, or affect one change, I have been successful. Thank you!”

“After a 25-year career in banking and corporate finance, I decided to leave the corporate world and pursue a passion for Pilates.  Over a period of two years,  I pursued the best training and obtained my certification in all levels of Pilates apparatus through Romana’s Pilates.  This career change included relocation to Pittsburgh and the sale and purchase of homes.  In June 2007 I opened Touchstone Pilates, a fully equipped Pilates studio.  If I can do it, anyone can.”